How to dock a boat courtesy of Captain Ron.
| Sailing - The fine art of getting
wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense
(equivalent to standing in a cold shower, fully clothed, throwing
up, and tearing up $100 bills, while a bunch of other people watch
you). |
| Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike
a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one
of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme
physical discomfort. The other three are 'bow sea' (waves striking
from the front), 'following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and
'quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction). |
| Boom - Called boom for the
sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across
the boat. For slow crew, it's called 'boom, boom.' |
| Bulkhead - Discomfort suffered by sailors who
drink too much. |
| Calm - Sea condition characterized
by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage. |
| Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes
to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language
that results by not being able to. |
| Crew - Heavy, stationary objects
used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and
dampen sudden movements of the boom. |
| Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away
from its desire destination or toward a hazard. |
| Flashlight - Tubular metal
container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their
disposal. |
| Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely
into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when
this occurs on the first try. |
| Zephyr - Warm, pleasant breeze.
Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes,
and unreliable forecasts. |
| Gybe/Jibe - A common way to get unruly guests off
your boat. |
| Tack - A common sticky substance
left in the cockpit and on deck by other people's kids, usually in
the form of foot- or hand-prints. (See Gybe/Jibe for removal technique.) |
| Painter - A line you use to tow the dingy...
also especially useful for preventing Tack. |
| Jack Line - 'Hey baby, want
to go sailing?' |
| COB - Cash Over Board |
| BOAT - Break Out Another Thousand |
| Red and blue boats collide... When that happens,
they are marooned of course.... |
| Yo-yo - A ship carrying
a cargo of yo-yos, bound for San Francisco from Hong Kong, was hit
by a typhoon and sank twenty-three times. |
| Telling stories - A fairy-tale begins 'Once upon
a time...' A sea story begins 'So there I was...' |
| The experience of boat ownership.
Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar
bills. |
| Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations. |
| Anchor
light - A small light designed to discharge the battery by morning. |
| Baggywrinkle - The effect
of sun and salt spray on your face. |
| Beating
to windward - A method of flogging crew to increase upwind performance when racing. |
| Bitter end - The finish
of a race when you are last over the line. |
| Boomkin
- A small, young boom, less than one year old. |
| Bottom paint - What you
get when the cockpit seats have just been painted. |
| Bow
- A gesture from the helmsman as he crosses the finish line first. |
| Chart - A type of map
which shows exactly where you are aground. |
| Clew
- An indication from the skipper as to what he might do next. |
| Companionway - A double
berth. |
| Deadrise
- Getting up to check the anchor at 0300. |
| Ded reckoning - A course
leading directly to a reef. |
| Deviation - Any departure from the captain's orders. |
| Emergency mooring lines - Old ropes too rotten to use reguarly but
too good to throw away. |
| Estimated position - A place you have marked on
the chart where you are sure you are not. |
| Flying jib - Any jib when the sheets have gone overboard. |
| Freeboard - Food and liquor supplied by the owner. |
| Great Circle Route - The ship's course when the rudder is jammed. |
| Hanging locker - A small, enclosed space designed
to keep foul weather gear wet and to turn all other clothing green. |
| Hatch - A container on board in which to keep eggs. |
| Headway - What you are making if you can get the
toilet to work. |
| Heavingline - A rope used to hold on to while
being sick. |
| Knot meter - An instrument for measuring the the speed with which
any line will become tangled. |
| Landlubber - Anyone on board who wishes he or
she were not. |
| Latitude - The number of degrees off course allowed a guest at the
helm. |
| Life preserver - A mildewed device for emergency
use, stowed under the extra lines and anchors. |
| Lubber line - Two or more guests waiting to get ashore. |
| Permanent mooring - A sunken boat, anchored. |
| Pitch - Why do altos and sopranos make good sailors? Because they can handle high seas. |
| Port - A fine wine, always stowed on the left side of the boat. |
| Reef point - The part of a rock sticking out of the water. |
| Rhumb line - Two or more crew members waiting for a drink. Spelling
is archaic. |
| Rope ladder - A ladder designed to get you into
the water but not back out. |
| Running free - Cruising without using the engine. |
| Sextant - A device for detecting the night-time
activity of guests. |
| Shroud - Equipment used in connection with the wake. |
| Spinnaker - A large sail used in dead calms to
keep the crew busy. |
| Spring line - A rope purchased at the begining of the season. |
| Square rigger - A rigger over 30. |
| Swell - A wave that's just great. |
| Tell-tale - A crew member who lets the guests
know that the skipper usually gets seasick. |
| Variation - The change in menu effected when the labels have soaked
off the canned goods. |
| Pulpit - somewhere you pray you are going to pick
up a mooring buoy. |
| Tabernacle - something similar to pulpit, but a different religion. |
| Noserly - What to call the
wind direction when it comes from where you're going |
| Ships coming in - If your ship doesn't come in,
swim out to it. (Jonathan Winters) |
| Definition of a sailboat race
- Two sailboats going in the same general direction. |
| Where do you take a sick boat? - To the dock. |
| How may jerks on a line does
it take to catch a fish? Two... one on each end of the line. |
| What is a knot? - See boom. |
| Sailing language - See Course. |
