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| Sailing - The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill, while going nowhere slowly at great expense (equivalent to standing in a cold shower, fully clothed, throwing up, and tearing up $100 bills, while a bunch of other people watch you). |
| Beam Sea - A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it to roll unpleasantly. This is one of the four directions from which wave action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort. The other three are `bow sea' (waves striking from the front), `following sea' (waves striking from the rear), and `quarter sea' (waves striking from any other direction). |
| Boom - Called boom for the sound that's made when it hits crew in the head on its way across the boat. For slow crew, it's called `boom, boom.' |
| Bulkhead - Discomfort suffered by sailors who drink too much. |
| Calm - Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beverage. |
| Course - The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from which the wind is blowing. Also, the language that results by not being able to. |
| Crew - Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom. |
| Current - Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desire destination, or towards a hazard. |
| Flashlight - Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead batteries prior to their disposal. |
| Fluke - The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding the boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try. |
| Zephyr - Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts. |
| Gybe - A common way to get unruly guests off your boat. |
| Tack - A common sticky substance left in the cockpit and on deck by other people's kids, usually in the form of foot- or hand-prints. (See Gybe for removal technique.) |
| Painter - A line you use to tow the dingy... also especially useful for preventing Tack. |
| Jack Lines - `Hey baby, want to go sailing?' |
| COB - Cash Over Board |
| BOAT - Break Out Another Thousand |
| Red and blue boats collide... When that happens, they are marooned... sheesh! |
| Yo, yo, yo - A ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos, bound for San Francisco from Hong Kong, was hit by a typhoon and sank twenty-three times. |
| Telling stories - A fairy-tale begins 'Once upon a time... A sea story begins 'So there I was...' |
| The experience of boat ownership. Standing fully-clothed under a cold shower, tearing up 100-dollar bills. |
| Cruising - Fixing your boat in exotic locations. |
| Anchor light - A small light designed to discharge the battery by morning. |
| Baggywrinkle - The effect of sun and salt spray on your face. |
| Beating
to windward - A method of flogging crew to increase upwind performance when racing. |
| Bitter end - The finish of a race when you are last over the line. |
| Boomkin - A small, young boom, less than one year old. |
| Bottom paint - What you get when the cockpit seats have just been painted. |
| Bow - A gesture from the helmsman as he crosses the finish line first. |
| Chart - A type of map which shows exactly where you are aground. |
| Clew - An indication from the skipper as to what he might do next. |
| Companionway - A double berth. |
| Deadrise - Getting up to check the anchqr at 0300. |
| Ded reckoning - A course leading directly to a reef. |
| Deviatior - Any departure from the captain's orders. |
| Emergency mooring lines - Old ropes too rotten to use reguarly but
too good to throw away. |
| Estimated position - A place you have marked on
the chart where you are sure you are not. |
| Flying jib - Any jib when the sheets have gone overboard. |
| Freeboard - Food and liquor supplied by the owner. |
| Great Circle Route - The ship's course when the rudder is jammed. |
| Hanging locker - A small, enclosed space designed
to keep foul weather gear wet and to turn all other clothing green. |
| Hatch - A container on board in which to keep eggs. |
| Headway - What you are making if you can get the toilet to work. |
| Heavingline - A rope used to hold on to while being sick. |
| Knot meter - An instrument for measuring the the speed with which
any line will become tangled. |
| Landlubber - Anyone on board who wishes he or she were not. |
| Latitude - The number of degrees off course allowed a guest at the helm. |
| Life preserver - A mildewed device for emergency
use, stowed under the extra lines and anchors. |
| Lubber line - Two or more guests waiting to get ashore. |
| Permanent mooring - A sunken boat, anchored. |
| Port - A fine wine, always stowed on the left side of the boat. |
| Reef point - The part of a rock sticking out of the water. |
| Rhumb line - Two or more crew members waiting for a drink. Spelling
is archaic. |
| Rope ladder - A ladder designed to get you into the water but not back out. |
| Running free - Cruising without using the engine. |
| Sextant - A device for detecting the night-time activity of guests. |
| Shroud - Equipment used in connection with the wake. |
| Spinnaker - A large sail used in dead calms to keep the crew busy. |
| Spring line - A rope purchased at the begin-ning of the season. |
| Square rigger - A rigger over 30. |
| Swell - A wave that's just great. |
| Tell-tale - A crew member who lets the guests
know that the skipper usually gets seasick. |
| Variation - The change in menu effected when the labels have soaked
off the canned goods. |
| Pulpit - somewhere you pray you are going to pick up a mooring buoy. |
| Tabernacle - something similar to pulpit, but a different religion. |
| Noserly - What to call the wind direction when it comes from where you're going |
| Ships coming in - If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. (Jonathan Winters) |
| Definition of a sailboat race - Two sailboats going in the same direction. |
| Where do you take a sick boat? - To the dock. |
| How may jerks on a line does it take to catch a fish? Two... one on each end of the line. |
| What is a knot? - See boom. |
| A Great Link - http://www.west.net/~lpm/hobie/archives/v1-i2/humor.shtml |
| A Dogwatch?? - http://www.marley.net/dogwatch.htm |
| Sailing language - See course. |
